i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
