She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
