Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My life is pants optional.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
