It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
