you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
