I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I will be naked everywhere
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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