don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
