apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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