Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
