So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
