fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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