member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
