I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
