Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We are all done wearing pants today
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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