i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
