Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
