So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
