I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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