did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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