Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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