god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dicks are not precious.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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