You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
