Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
