Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
