help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
