I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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