this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
