oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
