I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
