Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
