I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
