true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
