plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
