i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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