As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
