Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
