she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
