my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
