They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
