Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
