apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
