I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
