I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
