I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
