tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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