he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
