We won't sleep together?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
