Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
