Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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