dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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