oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
