my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
